over it.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I weighed myself this morning and was back up to 150 lbs. Fluke? Not sure, but regardless it’s legitimately freaked me out. I don’t buy into much of the hype around weddings (after all, mine should be rather laid back in my parent’s backyard), but I do want to be a bride that looks her best. I’ve been working toward a 125lb goal for about two years and still haven’t gotten there. Not even close.

With t-minus 4.5 weeks until wedding day, I’ve all about given up my adjusted goal of weighing 140-135lbs.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to give up sleep or spending precious moments with friends before leaving (besides, my gym closes at 9pm). My hours at work have increased since one of my accounts revved up in September. I’ve been able to fit in 20 minutes of working out every morning using various workout DVDs (right now I’m so into Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred) but it’s not enough.

I wish I could just have someone hand over what I need to eat in order to make the scale move in direction I want it to. I was doing Weight Watchers but stopped because I literally never used it. I’m hoping I can use Nutrition Data’s free service to make caloric ends meet, but so far I really don’t understand how to use it. A part of me wants to throw my hands up in the air and order Nutrisystem but just knowing what food flavors make it on the menu makes me throw up in my mouth a little. I know it doesn’t take much time, but work and planning for a wedding/move/school has really taken over my life.

So sad and frustrated and depressed about this whole thing.